# The configured 50 Nerds of Grey quotes, from <a href="https://twitter.com/50NerdsofGrey">https://twitter.com/50NerdsofGrey</a>.
His girlfriend was like the square root of minus one - mysterious, sought after by millions... and imaginary.
She said she liked to make love in dangerous places. So he took her to the processed meat counter...
She said she was into Extreme Bondage - so he took her to see Spectre nine times.
'Come over,' she begged. 'I need you right now!' 'Just turn it off and on again,' he sighed. He hated these late night rebooty calls.
He decided to take a chance. He got her out of jail, took her to an expensive hotel and gave her 200 dollars... He loved Monopoly night.
Toy Story night didn't go quite the way he'd hoped. Turned out she preferred her Buzz to his Woody...
'I've been a very bad girl,' she said, biting her lip. 'I need to be punished.' 'Very well,' he said and installed Windows 10 on her laptop.
'Aaaargh!' he cried again and again, his body tensing with each fresh flash of pain. It was no good, he just couldn't remember his password.
She said she liked men who took incredible risks. So he gave TalkTalk his bank details. #talktalk
She told him she was turned on by dangerous men.  So he disabled his firewall.
She squirmed as he leaned over and whispered softly in her ear. 'Asdfg... hjkl... uiop.' She loved it when he talked qwerty.
She groaned as he moved in and out, in and out, slowly at first then faster and faster... he'd still not got the hang of revolving doors.
He liked his women like he liked his coffee... slightly less than a cup of tea.
'I can't wait any longer!' she begged, her body trembling and shaking, 'Do it now!' 'OK,' he said, and got the winter duvet from the closet.
'Today's the day all your dreams come true' she said, unzipping her dress. 'Wow!' he gulped 'Flying cars and hoverboards?' #BacktotheFuture
I just installed Windows 10 #ScaryStoryIn5Words
'Mmmm that's so good!!' he cried, but it was all over in 3 minutes. She sighed, that was the tenth time he'd watched the Star Wars trailer.
His urgent fingers felt all over her body, down her thighs and up between her legs. 'All right,' he sighed, 'You haven't got the TV remote.'
She slowly unzipped his trousers and gasped when she saw what was underneath... Batman underpants.
He'd calculated the square root of minus one and worked out the meaning of life, now there was only one problem to solve - how to undo a bra
Despite his innocent, asthmatic public image, he was a real snake in the bedroom... Hufflepuff in the streets, Slytherin in the sheets.
When it came to the bedroom, his tastes were rather extreme... Lord of the Rings wallpaper, Spider-man lampshade and a Star Wars bedspread.
'Are you ready for this? he asked. When Im done you wont be able to sit down for days' She nodded. 'OK' he said and put the sofa on eBay
Control played a big part in his sex life. So did escape, delete and caps lock.
'No...' she sighed, gazing sadly at the stuffed crust Hawaiian with extra cheese, 'I said I was really turned on by orders from dominants.'
'Harder!' he cried, bending over the counter. 'I need it really hard to satisfy me!' 'OK,' said the newsagent. 'How about Extreme Sudoku?'
He knew it wouldn't work out with the microbiologist. She faked all her organisms.
Is that good? he asked. Mmmm yes, she said. 'And that? 'Oh YES!!! she cried. He sighed. At this rate she'd never choose a new laptop.
It turned him on not knowing whether or not she'd be wearing his favourite fantasy costume until he opened the door. #Schrdinger'sCatwoman
He was very passionate about Particle Physics - just the thought of Quarks being held together by a strong force gave him a hadron.
Mmmm... thats so good, she sighed, You know just how I like it. 'Of course I do, he grinned, Milk, two sugars.
Before making love, he always fumbled around for ages, unable to find what he was looking for. He was well known for his 404-play.
She left him after she discovered hundreds of small chess pieces under his bed. She was concerned about his pawn addiction.
'I need it now!' he panted desperately, getting down on all fours at her feet. It was always the same when he lost a Lego piece.
He gently caressed the leather then his expert fingers reached inside and flicked over and over again. He likes big books and he cannot lie
He turned down the heating, took off his clothes and spent the evening watching Star Wars, Tron and Lord of the Rings. Nerd flicks and chill
She was surprised when her research proved conclusively that people with the highest IQs tended to be better lovers and retweet the most.
'So' she said, licking her lips 'How do you like the feel of leather against your naked skin?' She was one hell of an iPad case saleswoman.
'Do whatever you want!' she cried, as her clothes slipped to the floor. So he picked them up, folded them neatly and put them in the closet.
He tied the collar round her neck. 'I am your master and you are my slave.' She calmly walked away. He was going to have to get another cat.
Robots are red, Mutants are blue, Tribbles are sweet, So is R2-D2.
He was a genius in bed. Sadly an Apple genius.
If she wasn't responsive to his needs, he knew the three places to touch that worked every time... Control, alt and delete.
As soon as he opened the door, she saw that wild look in his eyes that meant just one thing. He'd been playing World of Warcraft all night.
#NerdSexualPositions The Angry Dalek
#NerdSexualPositions The Forward Facing Laptop
'You enter the room to see a giant troll in stockings and suspenders...' He was beginning to regret playing Dungeons and Drag Queens.
'So what do you think?' she asked, coyly. 'I've shaved especially for you.' 'Perfect,' he drooled. 'You look exactly like Patrick Stewart!'
'Make love to me like you've never made love to anyone before!' she pleaded. He stared at her and frowned. 'What do you mean 'like'... ?'
'Star Wars!' she cried. 'Lord of the Rings!!' she yelled. 'Jurassic Paaaaaark!!!!' she screamed. She was having a multiplex orgasm.
They tried it standing up, sitting on a chair and bent over the kitchen table but it was no good, they just couldn't get a decent 4G signal.
Her finger stroked wildly until finally she screamed and fell back exhausted and flushed.  'At last!' she sighed, 'Level 80 on Candy Crush!'
His arms tingled, his legs felt numb and his loins were on fire... it was definitely time to get a new laptop.
He was really into BDSM... Batman, Dungeons & Dragons, Star Wars and Mathematics.
'Mmmm,' she smiled, 'I see you've got a mirror over your bed...' 'Of course,' he said. 'How else can I tell if my pillows are symmetrical?'
When she found out he worked in technical support, it really turned her on... Then it turned her off. Then it turned her on again.
'It's so long and hard!' she said stroking the shaft. 'Of course,' he beamed 'It's a limited edition replica Return of the Jedi lightsaber.'
'You're so hot!' she cried. 'Actually, I'm 36.9 degrees Celsius, which is well within the normal body temperature parameters,' he replied.
His tongue explored the hole before slowly probing deeper until finally she couldn't take any more. 'Would you just eat your donut already?'
'Do it,' she begged. 'OK,' he said, tying her hands behind her back, 'But there must be easier ways to stop you going on Facebook...'
No woman could resist him. He was well-versed in the language of love... Klingon.
She stared deeply into his eyes and sighed... 'When I said I wanted you to sext me, I didn't mean writing 'boobs' on your calculator.'
Bondage is much easier with a nerd. You don't need to blindfold him, just hide his glasses...
His only fetish was MILFs... Motherboards I Like to Fix.
He had all the equipment he needed to provide hours of excruciating agony - a 600 page rulebook and a complete set of polyhedral dice.
'So what does NERD actually stand for?' she asked. He smiled. 'Neurotic Erotic Role-playing Deviant.'
He enjoyed being tied up and whipped while he played Sonic the Hedgehog and Mortal Kombat... he was a Sega-masochist.
'Remove your clothes and step into my dungeon' he ordered. 'What now, master?' 'Now I roll the dice to see if you're eaten by a giant squid'
Fully erect he slid back and forth, slowly at first then faster until finally he cried out loud. He just couldn't get the hang of his Segway
'Do you have protection?' she asked. 'Of course' he said 'I've got my Captain America shield and I'm wearing my underpants on the outside.'
'Giving my breasts names is cute,' she smiled, 'But did you also have to give them super powers, secret identities and a tragic back story?'
He moaned and breathed heavily as he ran his hands all over his gyrating body before finally sighing with relief. He'd found his inhaler!
'Thanks for bringing my Princess Leia fantasy to life' he smiled. 'That's OK' she said, 'But next time can I be the one in the gold bikini?'
He was only a website designer but she couldn't resist interacting with his front end development.
As the hot white liquid filled her open mouth she didn't know whether to spit or swallow. She wasn't too sure about the pumpkin spice latte.
'Come on, who's your daddy?' he said, staring down from behind his black rubber mask. She sighed... she hated Empire Strikes Back night.
'Yes!' he screamed, rigid with pleasure, 'Oh yes... that's it... right there... YES!!!' He couldn't believe NASA had found water on Mars.
'To the Batcave!' he cried. 'Alright,' she sighed, pulling down her skirt, 'But I really wish you'd stop calling it that...'
She handcuffed him, tied him to a chair and then placed a gag over his mouth. It was the only way to stop him going on about Doctor Who.
'It's just too big!' she cried. 'It's never going to fit!' 'Of course it will,' he grinned, 'I've compressed the file.'
'I've never seen one so big and red!' she squealed as it rose before her eyes.  'I know' he said, 'That's why it's called a #SuperBloodMoon'
'Sit there,' she said, with an evil grin, 'And get ready for a world of pain!' 'No!' he cried, sweating with fear, 'Not the Twilight films!'
'Oh my God!' she cried, swallowing hard. 'That was a huge mouthful!' 'Sorry,' he said. 'I didn't choose to be called Benedict Cumberbatch.'
She sighed as she got out of his bed... 'When I said I wanted a superhero between the sheets, I was hoping for Batman not the Flash.'
'I can fulfil your wildest fantasy' she whispered. 'Really?' he gasped 'You can defend the Earth against a fleet of mutant space penguins?'
She said she was turned on by dangerous men, so he started running with scissors.
'So, what's your dirtiest dream?' she asked eagerly. 'Oh, that's easy,' he replied. 'The one where I've run out of antibacterial hand wash.'
He felt the cold metal close around his wrist and realised he'd made a terrible mistake. Why on earth had he bought an Apple Watch?
'But why do you call it your TARDIS?' she asked.  'Because it gives all my female companions a great ride. And it's bigger than it looks.'
'Mmmm, let's play doctors,'  she whispered. 'Alright,' he said. 'You be David Tennant and I'll be Tom Baker.' #doctorwho
She left dazed - she had learned her first lesson. The square on the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares on the other two sides.
By the time they'd finished she was so sore she couldn't sit down. His 24 hour Star Trek marathons were a killer.
He tugged and squeezed it until finally the hot white liquid spurted out of the top. He still hadn't got the hang of this cappuccino machine
'I can't wait!' she cried, ripping off her blouse, 'Take me now!' 'OK,' he said, 'But I doubt they'll let you into Legoland without a top.'
'I'm a masochist' she said 'It turns me on to be filled with anticipation then disappointed' 'OK' he said and put on the new James Bond song
'You're a naughty boy,' she said, 'I'm going to give you a good spanking!' He sighed. Maybe it was time he moved out of his mother's house.
As he lay beneath a sea of writhing bodies, urgent limbs grasping hungrily, he realised something. He should've bought the new iPhone online
He had a secret foot fetish. He preferred imperial measurements to metric.
The thought of spending all night sandwiched between two desperate, hungry bodies made him sweat. The queue for the new iPhone was crazy.
'Let's take things to the next level,' she whispered. 'Are you sure?' he said 'That level's got a zombie goat and a fire-breathing dolphin.'
'You want a happy ending?' she whispered, her hands moving slowly down his body. His eyes widened. 'You're going to blow up the Death Star?'
'Would you like to try two women at once?' she whispered seductively. He gulped. 'You mean, Siri AND Cortana?'
'Fancy some role play?' she said, in her nurse's uniform. 'OK' he said. 'You see a three-headed dragon. Do you run or use your magic sword?'
'Talk dirty to me,' she begged. 'Alright,' he said, leaning closer, 'Volkswagen diesel...'
'I'm so hot and wet!' said the  sultry voice on the phone. 'Of course you are' he replied 'You work in a technical support centre in Mumbai'
'If you place your bottom across my genitals I think you'll be pleasantly surprised,' he grinned. 'Oh yes!' she cried 'A triple word score!'
'Make me a woman!' she cried, tearing off her clothes and throwing herself onto his bed. 'OK,' he said. 'I'll just get my 3D printer...'
'Smack that bottom,' she demanded, bending over the table. 'Smack it hard!'  'I am,' he said, 'But the ketchup just won't come out.'
'So,' she asked, 'How do you feel about being in chains?' 'It depends,' he replied, 'Pret a Manger's OK but I'm not so keen on Starbucks.'
She said she wanted to try something more exotic in the bedroom. So he installed an aquarium.
'It's huge!' she drooled as she stroked his erection. 'I know' he said 'I didn't think I had enough Lego to make the Empire State Building.'
'Do you prefer going on top or underneath?' he asked, with a glint in his eye. 'It's up to you,' she replied. 'It's your bunk bed.'
She stared down at him. He was on his hands and knees, panting hard, with his bottom in the air. 'Still not found your glasses?' she asked.
She stared in shock at the contract he'd given her. It contained six key rules she had to obey. And 112 pages of terms and conditions.
She stroked it, squeezed it and rubbed it but nothing happened. 'I don't understand,' he said, 'I only charged my iPhone half an hour ago.'
He was really into science and mathematics. Or S&M for short.
She said it turned her on if he pleasured himself while she took off her clothes. So he ordered a pizza and played Halo.
'So, what's your favourite position?' she asked. 'Easy,' he said, 'The middle seat of the sofa, exactly 1.5 metres from the TV and the PS4.'
'Mmmm, I love the way you move.' she sighed. 'Forward and back, side to side...' 'Thank you,' he said. 'I do enjoy a good game of chess.'
'Oooh!' she squealed, 'Yours is the biggest I've ever seen!' 'I know,' he grinned, 'And it comes with an iPencil and a detachable keyboard.'
He enjoyed 3.141592 in a bed. He was Pi-sexual.
'So,' she sighed, panting heavily, 'Did the earth move for you too?' 'Of course,' he said. 'At 0.2771638 recurring kilometres per second.'
'Pleasure and pain can be experienced simultaneously,' he grinned, handing her a slice of pizza as they watched The Phantom Menace.
'Hurt me!' she begged, leaning over his desk. 'Alright,' he said. 'Your phone's out of date and you're terrible at quadratic equations.'
She writhed on the floor, squealing at the extreme pain he had inflicted on her. 'I thought you said you'd put all your Lego bricks away!'
She said she was turned on by men who took risks. So he took the plastic off his iPhone screen.
As he lay at her feet, bound, gagged and sore, he realised he had learned his first lesson - never to say Star Trek is better than Star Wars
'So,' she said, entering his bedroom, 'This is where the magic happens.' 'Oh yes,' he smiled, putting on his Harry Potter glasses and cloak.
'I'm your slave tonight,' she said breathlessly, 'I'll do whatever you want.' 'OK' he said, 'You can sort my Lego while I watch Doctor Who.'
'It's so long!' she squealed, 'I don't think it's going to fit!' 'Sorry,' he said, 'It isn't easy saying what you want in 140 characters.'
He was very careful during bondage sessions. He always used a safe word that contained upper and lower case letters and at least one number.
Her eyes widened as he placed his Bunsen burner on her dressing table and lit the flame. She loved a man who was experimental in the bedroom
'Remove your clothes,' she said in a calm, clear voice. 'Now bend over the table.' He silently obeyed. There was no point arguing with Siri.
'My tastes are very singular,' he said, stroking her neck and staring deep into her eyes. 'I'm lactose intolerant and I can't eat peas.'
'Do what you want!' she cried lying back on the bed. 'I love a man who takes control.' 'OK' he said and put her CDs into alphabetical order.
'Harder!' she screamed, 'Harder!' 'Alright,' he said. 'What's the square root of nine times twelve divided by six point three recurring?'
'I'm exhausted' she said 'I can't believe you kept going all night!' He grinned.'Well, I did say I could recite Pi to 12,000 decimal places'
'It's just so long,' she cried, 'I don't think I can take it all in.' 'I'm sorry,' he said, 'but I did tell you it was the director's cut.'
'You're so hot!' she cried. 'Actually I'm 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit, which is well within the normal body temperature parameters,' he replied.